The other day I said to my husband "You want to divorce me don't you?" He laughed and said "No, but I would like it if my wife was a little less crazy" and he gave me a hug.
He has faith that somehow I will get back to my "less crazy" self. I think he is right, but I still don't know how he makes the choice, every day, to stay with me anyway.
Again, a song from the musical Next to Normal explains it so well. Here are a few of they lyrics from Why Stay?/A Promise:
Here's what I say to the girl who was burning so brightly
Like the light from Orion above
And still I will search for her nightly,
if you see her please send her my love.
And the boy was a boy for all seasons
That boy is long lost to me now
And the man has forgotten his reasons
But the man still remembers his vow.
A promise a man says forever
A man says I'll never regret or let you
The promise I made to stay and I stay true.
Knowing one day we'd remember that joy.
You'd remember that girl
I'd remember that boy, till we do
The promise I made I'll make it brand new.
A promise that I made to you.
To me, it's not so much about the promise he has made, but the faith that he has. Faith that thing will get better, even though we have been going through this for seventeen years. Faith in the vows that we made to stay with one another through good times and bad, sickness and health. However, it is not a faith in some outside force that will make things better, he has faith that we can get through this together.
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| Me and my boys, who always have faith in me and our future. |
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
This is very timely for me. I actually asked my husband the same exact question a few nights ago. I feel like after 15 years of marriage and 17 years together he's tired of my cyclothymia (which is one step away from Bipolar if they don't get these meds worked out). He looked at me with tired eyes, paused.....(I didn't like the pause) and said "sometimes I wish it were just easier". I'm still chewing on that one. Sometimes I wish it were just easier living with an Aspie (he's the Aspie) but I take his quirks with the whole package. I'm questioning whether he's questioning the whole "good and bad" thing.
ReplyDeleteMarriage and a kid is HARD. I've always wanted to pick the brain of another bipolar mother to find out if she has the same struggles as me. I've never seen you blog about it and I know you don't know me so I understand if that part of your life is completely private. If you are willing to email about it my address is darkmothergoddess7@gmail.com
Hope your weekend gives you what you need.