There is an interesting balance between trying to manage one's mental illness and work and live in the world. To manage bipolar disorder, one must work hard to reduce stress, exercise, eat right, take medication, and get enough sleep. Often life situations are far more stressful than we can handle, and asking for help in that situation is hard. In my experience, in our society, it is acceptable to take time off or to need to adjust your schedule if you have cancer. However, to need to take time off or adjust things because you have mental illness is seen as a sign of weakness.
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| Good boundaries are important. Photo by Jeff Norris |
I believe many of us with mental illness are more in tune with what is going on around us and dysfunctional environments are not something we can or feel obligated to continue in. I know for me, being someone who works extremely hard to have good boundaries and be responsible, I have a low tolerance for the opposite behavior. Being in environments that are not healthy can also set off a bipolar episode, so it is really unsafe for people like me to be in such situations. We need to draw healthy boundaries and be in as healthy a place as possible. However, in my experience, it is looked down on when we just wont put up with this behavior, especially if part of the reason is that it is harmful to us. I guess I do not know why drawing boundaries is seen as a sign of weakness as opposed to a sign of health.
One of the most important things people with bipolar disorder and other forms of mental illness need to do is create as stable a life as possible so that it is less likely something will trigger your illness. However, this is often the hardest thing to do because other people see you as weak, lazy, or not willing to love others no matter what. But the best thing my husband ever did for me was draw boundaries with me and say I had to get more help in order for us to stay together. When he put his health before mine, he actually enabled me to have the strength to do the same for myself.
I am hoping this blog post helps people remember that you need to take care of yourself first, or those you love will suffer. We can't let other people's judgement about what is good and right take over our own judgement. Most things in life are not black and white, right or wrong so if you need to make tough decisions in order to be healthy, do it.
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
Wow, so much to say in response to this post.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I chose to be a stay at home mom but now that my son is getting older I do have enough time while he's in school to work part-time but I fear I can't mentally and emotionally handle the stress so I just don't do it.
Secondly, with regard to your husband giving you boundaries about getting help in order for you to stay together. My husband did the same to me and I have held an immeasurable amount of resentment against him because of it. After reading the way you took it, I am looking at this part of our relationship in a whole new light.
I never leave this blog without having learned something.
Thank you.
This is a great blog post! I have tried very hard to create a life in which it is possible to stay balanced and healthy. I know some people don't understand some of the choices I have made, but now I am to the point that I just think, so what!
ReplyDeleteDark Mother, I am glad the blog is helpful. I believe by holding me accountable, my husband showed how much he loves me and believes in me.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, I am glad you feel free to make healthy decisions!
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
It took me over a year to get comfortable with keeping boundaries and using the word NO with little guilt. I now am in grad school so I have to be even more diligent in self-care measures. I used to think I was selfish. Now I don't care. I have to do what's best for me so I can be the best me for my husband and family. I don't go out very often and see my friends even less...it's all good. I am content. One thing that I did was enroll in an MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) course that my therapist facilitates. Very helpful with negative thoughts and too much stress. The most important thing in my wellness toolbox is making sure I get enough sleep. I take melatonin and trazodone. I don't ever forget my mood stabilizer. I am evened out enough that lapses in diet and exercise don't have to tremendous effect that they used to. I am disciplined but not so rigid anymore. Finding the right combo of meds, supplements and other good things makes my life as near normal as I can have it.
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