Monday, November 14, 2011

Goodbye Heavy Heart

Photo by Jeff Norris
I was at an event last night where I saw old friends. We were catching up with each other and asking how work and family life are. As I honestly answered them, with the good and not so good, I realized that this is the first time I have not had a heavy heart. Often I have felt so weighed down with life that when friends asked how I was, I always felt this sadness in my heart. Even though not much has changed about life, I no longer feel that weight of sadness. I was just fine with things being the way they are. Some stuff is really good in life, some things are hard to handle, like being a caregiver for my mom. It is not that I don't care or feel nothing (as has happened with other medications), I actually feel a bit at peace with the way things are overall.

I admit that I hate my medicine because it has side effects I am scared of. However, I like it too because it has gotten rid of the heaviness, the weighed down spirit, the extreme anger, and it lets me deal with life better. It has taken away a lot from me and this type of drug increases in risk the longer you stay on it, but it does work. What scares me now is what if the risks get too high and I have to stop the medication at some point? I don't want to go back to having a heavy heart and all the symptoms of bipolar that are so much better now.

I also know that what works today may not work tomorrow, or a year from now. The only thing predictable about this illness is that it is not predictable. That is why you take the illness one day at a time and enjoy what you can, which is why I appreciate the weight being lifted. Before, I could not enjoy anything without having a heavy heart, last night I noticed I feel free, which is new for me.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie
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5 comments:

  1. David PyleNovember 14, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    May you be blessed in the newness, and let the future take care of itself, dear friend...

    Yours in faith,
    Rev. David

    ReplyDelete
  2. AndreaNovember 16, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    I'm glad your medication is working. I feel the same conflict and worries about my medication but I do manage much better when I take it. All we can do is hope for the best. I had a very lighthearted weekend. It was chaotic but fun. I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much sans medication. I try to focus on the recovery I have experienced as a result of taking my medication and of my own hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rev. Katie NorrisNovember 16, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    Thanks Rev. David!

    Andrea, I am glad you had a good weekend. And you make a good point to remember, medicine helps a lot, but it also takes a lot of hard work too.

    Rev. Katie

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debbie HawkinsDecember 31, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    God Bless you! I pray that you continue to be relieved of the heaviness that life can so often bring. Your words have touched me....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rev. Katie NorrisJanuary 9, 2012 at 8:20 PM

    Thank you Debbie. I am glad you find the blog helpful.

    Blessings,

    Rev. Katie

    ReplyDelete

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