Gratitude for the Food that Heals Me

Today we went to Fair View Meadow Farm to see where our meat comes from. A while ago, through our CrossFit gym we started buying grass-fed, pastured meat and eggs from the buying club with Fair View Meadow Farm. As we got more into the Paleo lifestyle and in order to support sustainable ethical eating, we then ordered a whole cow from the farm which means we do not have to buy meat from the grocery store which comes from who knows where, using inhumane farming, hormones, and excess fossil fuels for transportation. (Here is a great post about pork from Whole9 The Conscientious Omnivore: Pigs and Pork.) The meat tastes a ton better than meat from the grocery, it has no antibiotics and hormones in it, it is much leaner, and cheaper too.

We chose to start eating this way because the Paleo diet was recommended to me by my doctors to help treat my bipolar disorder, and as long as I stick to it, it really works. We have been really strict Paleo, doing a Whole30 starting January 1, 2013, and this has helped in many ways. I will expand on that in another post, but overall my mood has evened out, I have more energy, better cognitive function, and the ability to follow through on other treatment such as exercise. I have not needed as much Ativan, and that is the only medication I am on right now- taken maybe just a few times a week.

Nathan Joppeck from Fair View Meadow Farm offered to show us the farm and our son really liked the idea saying "I would like to see what a cow looks like when it is not in block form." (This is a Minecraft reference and also because he has never seen a cow except meat in a freezer.) I was glad he wanted to know where his food comes from. Since we have also ordered a whole pig, we went out to the farm to meet the group of pigs ours will come from, and see all the other animals.

Jeffrey, Katie, & Jeff with the cows.

They are a multi-species farm raising cows, chickens, sheep, and pigs. They also grow organic fruits and vegetables. The animals rotate feeding on different parts of the pasture so the earth is sustainable and the animals are humanely raised. No animal is penned up or shut in like in factory farming. Clearly I can't describe the specifics of all that they do, but basically the animals get to lead healthy and happy lives.

I thought when I went out there that I might have a hard time looking into the animals eyes knowing I would be eating one or more of them at some time.

Photo by Jeff Norris.

This is a hard thing for me, being a Unitarian Universalist and respecting the interdependent web of existence and eating animals. Many people in our faith insist that the only ethical way to eat is by being vegetarian, yet they do not realize that you can be an ethical meat eater and some of us actually have medical reasons why we need to eat meat. The proteins derived from soy or legumes are incomplete for someone like me and also soy and legumes bother my digestive tract and make me sick not only in body but in mind as well. As I saw these animals today, I felt a huge appreciation for them because they help save my life.

They allow me to treat my illness without tons of medication. They allow me to care for my family, remain healthy, and be someone who can contribute positively to the world. Without them my health is greatly compromised. Bipolar disorder and anxiety are serious illnesses and my treatment includes a specific diet of animal protein which is as free-range and organic possible. These animals literally heal me. Rather than feel guilty and bad about needing meat to treat my illness, I now have a great appreciation for the animals. I really see it as more of a spiritual connection that allows me to see them as the amazing beings that they truly are rather than just something from a store that I have no relationship to.

I was also glad that our son got to see just how much work the farmers have to do to bring food to our table. He learned the importance of these animals and how they help care for and heal us. He knows food does not come from a box.

In gratitude for all that sustains and heals us, we have added to our dinner prayer "We thank the earth and all of the farmers and animals which brought us this food."

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Breaking the Silence: Joint Sermon by Husband and Wife

Many people have been asking me for the sermon my husband Jeff and I gave about mental illness. The title "Breaking the Silence" is inspired by NAMI's educational program created to destigmatize mental illness. My part is from the persepective of patient and his from the perspective of the partner of someone with bipolar disorder. We hope it is helpful to you.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie and Jeff

Breaking the Silence Part I: Rev. Katie Norris

One out of every three Americans suffer from a mental illness each year. That is 32.4% of our population. The odds are very high that you know and love someone with a mental illness. You work with them and your children are friends with them. It is very likely though you don’t know the majority of them have a mental illness. This is because the stigma against mental illness is high. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have heard people say they would never hire someone who is bipolar, or that depression is fake, or call people with schizophrenia a freak. This happens in every kind of setting I have been in. Parties, workplaces, schools, even in our churches.

One time at a seminar at General Assembly, which focused on using social media in churches, a fellow minister said he did not want to start a Facebook page for his church that allowed people to comment on the page because, and I quote, “there are a lot of people in our area with bipolar and I don't want them posting things that will cause problems.” I was shocked and devastated at the ignorance of this person who is called to uphold the first principle of Unitarian Universalism that says everyone has inherent worth and dignity. I almost turned to him and said “I have bipolar disorder and it sounds like maybe you don’t know enough about it, would you like to talk about it?” But, I was too tired. Some days you pick your battles and that day I just didn’t have it in me, again, to try and defend my inherent worth and dignity as well as the inherent worth and dignity of others with mental illness.
  
So yes, I have bipolar disorder and a panic disorder and it is an illness I live with like any other chronic illness. I knew I was sick at the age of six, but was not treated until I was nineteen and not correctly diagnosed until I was twenty five. This means that I have the same kind of up and down moods that Eli the bipolar bear from our story has. It also means I have frequent panic attacks. When I was younger I was scared to ever leave my house. Now I live with my panic attacks on a daily basis and just kind of muscle through them because if I didn’t I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything. This has been a long road my family and I have been on, which we still continue to navigate because mental illness is extremely hard to treat.
  
Many people ask me what it is like to have mental illness, and there is really no good way to describe it. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that you have an illness in your brain which effects your behavior and abilities. For me, often music can explain things better than just plain words can. So I have a song for you from the musical Next to Normal which is about a woman with bipolar disorder and her family. In the song, called "You Don’t Know," she is trying to describe to her husband what it is like to have mental illness and the fact that he really does not know what it is like having not experienced it himself. The words and music speak to the pain and confusion of what mental illness is really like.

Music: "You Don’t Know" from Next to Normal

The biggest struggle in raising awareness about mental illness, is, as the song suggests, most people just don’t know what it is like to have it. People seem to understand physical illnesses, like cancer, diabetes, or a broken arm, because you can easily see or test for these illnesses. Mental illness is not something you can look at like a broken arm, or easily test for. It is an illness that is unseen and comes out in behavior changes more than anything else. Due to this fact, people believe many myths about mental illness and I would like to address a few of those myths today because breaking down those myths means we can truly start to help people.

The first myth is that many people assume mental illness is not real. This is not true, it is a chemical imbalance. While in the past there were no tests for mental illness, they are now finding in brain scans that you can see the difference between a mentally ill brain and the brain of a normal person.

The second myth is that people with mental illness are just lazy, stupid, or mean and should be able to control themselves. It is hard for people to understand why someone can’t control their own behavior at times. Because of this often friends and family of people with mental illness label their loved one as lazy, irresponsible, or mean because of the way they act. However, mental illness means chemicals in your brain make your brain do things you don’t want it to do. We are not trying to be mean, we are not lazy, or stupid. We want to be well just as much as you want us to be well. This is probably one of the hardest things for people to understand and have compassion around and Jeff will speak about this a little later as this is one of the biggest struggles for family members.
  
The third myth is that if we just take medication, we get better. Science has not really perfected treating mental illness and for many of us the medications do not work well enough or are so toxic that the side effects mean you have to stop taking them. Or the medication takes all of your personality and life away leaving you empty and cold. Medication is not an easy fix so one way to help someone with mental illness is to understand their struggles with medication and not judge and yell at them for not taking it. Also, there are many lifestyle changes which are just as important as medication which can help treat mental illness, such as exercise, sleep, spiritual practice, and diet. We can help people maintain those changes by being understanding of the restrictions this puts on their lives instead of making fun of them for it or insisting they don’t need to do it.
  
The fourth myth is that people with mental illness can not be productive members of society. People assume we can’t have families, hold down a job, and our opinions don’t matter. In October of last year, an article came out in the New York Times which showed how work is often an effective way of managing your illness as was told in the story of a woman who has scizoeffective disorder but also holds a high profile executive job. Her job gave her meaning and purpose in life, all she needed was the ability, when her illness got bad, to have some time off or even bring her therapy dog into work with her. Research now shows that people with mental illness are often good at very demanding jobs because we understand crisis and urgency better than most people. If our society could be more understanding about these illnesses and give people more flexibility in their jobs, we could lessen the amount of times people end up hospitalized. Unfortunately, as for many illnesses, it is hard to get this kind of understanding in the workplace. This is something we need to work for in all areas of health and wellness. 
  
The fifth myth is that children can not get mental illness. Mental illness can happen to anyone at any age and we can not just assume that repeated behavioral issues with a child are just because of a spoiled, ungrateful child. We don’t want to over or misdiagnose kids, but we do need to pay attention when kids are exhibiting serious problems. I can tell you from experience it is devastating as a child to have mental illness and let it go untreated as it makes life agonizing, confusing, and you often feel like a bad person. Adults and children alike make fun of you and judge you for being different. That is one of the reasons I think our faith is so essential to our children who may have mental illness. We teach that they are loved just as they are and we will work with them to create environments which help them thrive. That is why we try to have religious education that is accessible to all learning and mental abilities. This faith will save those children from living in a culture that says they are bad and wrong for having an illness. We are the loving and salvific voice to those kids, and even adults, as that is what I heard in a Unitarian Universalist Church when I was twenty-five. This faith told me I was loved and they believed in me as a whole person, which meant I was able to do many valuable things with my life.
  
This leads me to the sixth myth I want to address, that we as a society and community can not help people with mental illness. People often say that people with mental illness can’t change and what we do does not affect them so we should just leave them be and let them suffer the consequences of their illness alone. In reality, the best way for someone to manage their illness is to have a large supportive community around them. People who help them keep up with their treatment plan. People who call and check on them to see how they are doing. An understanding work environment, and people who also help check in on family members as well.
  
This can be a fatal illness for some of us but the more we raise awareness and create a supportive community, the less likely that is to happen. And when it does happen, we need to be the ones to support the families and friends during such a difficult time. If we don’t understand the illness, we can’t adequately help them process what happened.
  
Most importantly we as a church community can help by making sure that people have a faith which is realistic about what mental illness is, which brings me to the last myth. Sadly many faiths promote the myth that mental illness is actually evil spirits that take over a person, or a person only gets mental illness if they have been bad and need some form of punishment. As Unitarian Universalists, those teachings go against everything we stand for, so instead we can be the faith that says we understand. We can be the faith that welcomes people with mental illness into our communities and gives them volunteer opportunities which speak to their heart and soul. We can be the communities that help people find nourishing spiritual practices, which are proven to help in the management of mental illness. We can be the community that does not stigmatize and judge. We can be the faith that creates a larger support system not just for the person with mental illness but for their family as well. We have a chance, in our churches to help end the pain that comes from the stigma of mental illness, if we just seek to understand it better.
  
This is what I, as a person with mental illness wanted to let you all know, the truth about these diseases. Another truth about it is that mental illness, as with all illnesses, affects the family in a very deep way. It is often most hard for family members to understand what is going on and discover ways to help. My husband Jeff is here today to share some of that experience with you.

Katie & Jeff

Breaking the Silence Part II: Jeff Norris

I’ve known Katie since she was 16 years old. She was always a little emotional. When we first started dating, we would spend hours talking about whatever was going on in her life. We discussed the play-by-play analysis of the soap opera that is high school. I never really thought that this was different than what anyone else went through.

Fast forward 5 years, and we had just graduated from college, gotten married, moved, started a new job, and I started graduate school. It was almost like we were trying to squeeze as many stressful events as possible into a single summer. We were living in upstate New York, about 8 hours away from family, and Katie was struggling with her own identity, while I was busy working.

Katie was seeing a doctor for depression, and we were constantly fighting about how to share work around the house. It was not unusual for us to be up fighting until 2 AM about who should be doing the laundry or sorting the mail. I was mad because I had to do what I thought was more than my fair share of the chores. I hated that I always had to be the one to pickup the slack.

Looking back, I really didn’t get it. I found myself falling into the trap of calling Katie lazy, because I didn’t have enough awareness of what was really going on. I couldn’t see that her limits were not my limits, and that fighting about those limits only made our relationship worse. I should have been supportive and helped Katie to work from where she was, but instead I fed into the disease and actually made things worse by fighting with her and making her feel guilty about what she couldn’t handle doing. Our relationship could have fallen apart back then because I didn’t know how to handle the disease.

Fast forward another 5 years, just after our son was born, we figured out that Katie’s illness was not depression, but bipolar disorder, which is the combination of depression and mania. For the last decade, we had been ignoring half of Katie’s symptoms. I had no idea that being overly productive and not needing very much sleep was actually a problem, and a sign of an impending crash. Once I had a better understanding of what was really going on, there were things that I could do to help make things better.

I think of helping someone with mental illness as being analogous to driving a car.

First you need to point the car in the right direction. For us, that means taking the proper medications, getting enough sleep, eating right, spiritual practice, and exercising. For others, it can include meditation and massages.

Second, you need to plan where you are going. For us, this means thinking about major events that are coming up like family activities, travel, stressful work, or even changes in the seasons. We need to make sure that we are not over booked and that we have a plan to get through the events. Sometimes it means saying no to things that we might have otherwise done.

Third, you need to pay attention to where the car is actually going. For us, that means watching for signs that things are starting to go badly. Some of those signs include staying up late, empty candy wrappers appearing around the house or starting dramatic projects like reorganizing her office. Each person has slightly different signs, so it is important to understand how your friend or loved one responds.

Finally, you need to carefully steer the car back to the center as soon as you notice that you are going astray. For us, that can mean a doctor’s visit, increasing dosage of medication, or something as simple as taking a walk. For others, it can mean a trip to emergency room or a stay in the psychiatric hospital.

Just like driving a car, managing a mental illness requires making constant small changes and periodically following some pretty complicated detours. I know that since I am traveling though life with someone with a mental illness, our journey will not be as simple and straightforward as it could be. I also know that my life is richer because we are traveling together.

Breaking the Silence Conclusion: Rev. Katie Norris

The last thing I want to say is that mental illness is not all bad. My illness makes me who I am and I appreciate that. There has been a lot of research done lately on the positive sides of mental illness. Dr. Nassir Ghaemi says depression enhances empathy and realism, and mania enhances creativity and resilience. They are continually finding more positive sides to these illnesses and newer and better treatment options, which means there is always hope. If we can create supportive communities and advocate for better research and end the stigma, the future can look bright for people with mental illness. May this be what we work for in our churches and communities as this allows us to live out our first principle that says everyone has inherent worth and dignity.

Was Jesus Mentally Ill?

Does the title of this post bother you? What's your first reaction? Mad...incredulous...inspired?

When I first saw the article entitled Jesus Christ 'May Have Suffered From Mental Health Problems,' Claims Church of England online I was skeptical and a little annoyed. Maybe even a little bit offended. I was worried that this could be another group of people stigmatizing mental illness or something written to sensationalize mental illness. However, the article talks about a mental health campaign created in England to help end the stigma against mental illness.

The article highlights the Church of England's support through the Archbishops’ Council for the Time to Change program which is "the biggest attempt yet in England to end the discrimination that surrounds mental health." The Rev. Eva McIntyre and other Church of England leaders created a packet for congregations about how to raise awareness about mental illness and it includes the text of a sermon she wrote addressing the issue. In Rev. McIntyre's sermon she says: "Even Jesus was not immune to accusations about his mental health: there is a story in the gospel that tells of his mother and siblings attempting to take him home because they are afraid that he has lost his mind."

Photo by Kevin.J Flickr Creative Commo

 

Rev. McIntyre's argument is: Should we see Jesus as any different even if he did have a mental illness? Does that make him any less of a great spiritual leader? No.

The article goes on to talk about how different religions have all stigmtized mental illness. Many Christian faiths say people with mental illness are posessed by the devil. Famous atheist Richard Dawkins said belief in a religion was a form of mental illness. Dr. Kamran Ahmed, of the Muslim Council of Britain, says stigma is a particular issue for Muslims "due to 'cultural and traditional beliefs', which can include people mistakenly believing they are possessed by the 'Evil Eye' when in fact they are mentally ill."

I am just really glad to see faith traditions of all kinds speaking up about mental illness in order to held end these negative messages. In my experience, many religions have harmed people with mental illness far more than we have helped them. This happened to me in my Catholic upbringing, but also in my current faith where I was asked by leaders of our faith if I was sure I wanted to become a minister or could it just be "religious ideation due to your bipolar disorder?" Fortunately, going against this stigma in our faith, is the Unitarian Universalist Mental Health Ministry with Rev. Barbara Myers. They have created The Caring Congregation Program which is a curriculum designed to help churches be more supportive and welcoming to people with mental illness and their families.

I would encourage everyone, no matter what faith you are, to ask your congregation to at least have a discussion about how your religious institution handles the issue of mental illness. You may think it is not an issue in your church, but with one in four people suffering from mental illness at some point in their lives, you have a large group of people in your church that are dealing with mental illness. Even if you think your church does not have a stance on mental illness, that is not true. Our congregations send messages out about mental illness all the time, from the kids in Sunday school who comment that the child running all over the room is "crazy" to the adult who calls another adult "schizo" in a joking manner. Messages are being sent all the time, whether we like it or not. Often the negative messages are unintentional but profoundly hurtful. We all need to be intentional about discovering what message our congregation is sending and if it is not one we think is appropriate, work to change it.

Go forth and start a conversation and help end the stigma. Spread the message that people with mental illness are loved just as they are and let them know they are welcome in your place of worship.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Treating Mental Illness: The Mind and Spirit Connection

There is a line in my favorite musical Next to Normal, which is about a woman with bipolar disorder, that says:

"What happens if the cut, the burn, the break was never in my brain,
or in my blood, but in my soul?"

This is from the song "The Break" which is about how she has tried medications and treatments but none really work for that long and she has relapses of her illness. She wonders if maybe all of the treatment is not working because the illness is really mainly in her soul.

I named my blog "Bipolar Spirit" because I feel the body and spirit (what some call soul) are intricately linked together. (I guess I would not be a minister if I didn't believe that.) While I know mental illness is a chemical imbalance, I also believe it is an imbalance in the spirit as well.

I have been trying to manage my mental illness for fourteen years (I have been sick since I was six but only started getting treatment when I was 19) with medicines and talk therapy, and I have never really gotten better. Through all of this, I have always known that my mental illness really comes from a crushed spirit. The psychiatric profession calls it a trigger event (or events), as in a traumatic event happens and it triggers the chemical imbalance in your brain. I think the trigger causes a break in your spirit that co-occurs with the chemical imbalance. If our treatments only focus on trying to fix the chemical imbalance and not also on taking care of your spirit at the same time, I am not sure anyone really becomes well. 

I would add: "Help Heal Yourself."

I believe truly managing mental illness means possibly taking medication, going to therapy, and also becoming in touch with your inner spirit and the Spirit of Life that is all around us. I have finally found a medical practice that takes an integrative approach to medicine which will help my logical and my spiritual sides combine in order to treat my illness. While some people may think this is not a legitimate way to treat mental illness, I know it is the right way for me. I see too many people with crushed spirits to think differently. That is why my faith is so important to me, because it speaks of salvation in this life, through knowing you are loved just as you are and discovering who you are and your place in the Universe so you can live out your purpose in life. When you are able to do that, you are healthy and whole and can bring love into the world to make it a better place. Essentially, if you are out of balance, you can't really care for those around you. 

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

What Does Your Faith Tell You?

I have struggled with faith and mental illness my whole life. I grew up Christian, but in my Christianity and denomination, I was taught mental illness was a punishment. (Remember, this is personal experience of a specific time and place, not a statement of what any denomination of Christianity actually believes.)

There were also a lot of stories in the news at that time about people doing bad things, like killing someone, or smashing their car into a brick wall, and saying the devil made them do it. Many people in my church believed that the devil could take people over. The news and church also said these people were mentally ill.

I started to notice something was wrong with my brain when I was six, and I grew up believing that people who had something wrong with their mind were evil and being punished by God. Yet at the same time I could not figure out what a child could have ever done to deserve such punishment. It only made sense then that I was an inherently evil person. This was scary and devastating to me, especially since I really wanted to be a good person. I was scared that maybe the devil really did take people over and if I was not careful it might happen to me.

Eventually I realized late in middle school and in high school my church could not possibly be right. I knew that technically I was not a bad person, but it had been ingrained in me so much that I still always worried I was bad and just did not know it yet. The only positive in my faith was the Virgin Mary. I saw her as an accepting and loving figure who loved me as I was, so she would always protect me. When I would have panic attacks, I would pray to her.

During college and afterwards I grew even farther away from my faith. We went to church periodically, but the beliefs never felt right to me. In my opinion, far too many people were judged as being bad because they were "different" in any number of ways.

UU Chalice

As happens with many of us, we started to look for a new church when I got pregnant. I knew faith was important and wanted a religion in which to raise our son. Our friends invited us to their Unitarian Universalist church and when we visited and heard the first principle, which says everyone has inherent worth and dignity, I knew this was our religion.

My current religion now tells me we are all perfect and loved just as we are. Mental illness is not a punishment and there is no devil involved. It is an illness like any other illness.

Unitarian Universalism is also a covenantal church which means we make intentional promises of how we will treat each other with respect and care. This added a new component to my understanding of my illness.

It meant other people respected me and trusted that I would treat them well. No one assumed that just because I was bipolar I was going to be disruptive or hurt myself or others.

I also learned about accountability and love. I am loved just as I am, but the church was clear that they know all of us, mentally ill or not, may not always act kindly or appropriately. Were this to ever happen, the church would not ignore such behavior. They would support my treatment and believe in me, so much so that they would hold me accountable for bad behavior if I had any. What this showed me is that I had a choice in life. I had always previously been worried that I was inherently bad and just didn't know it. This faith told me I was inherently good, and needed to know it so I could be the happiest and healthiest person possible.

What a difference. I was free to be myself and if I struggled, I had loving support with appropriate boundaries.

I feel that my spirit and self worth were crushed by the way the church community of my childhood saw mental illness. As an adult, when I entered into a religion that was accepting and loving, my spirit was renewed. I could regain my self worth. I finally started to see myself as I saw other people, as an important and valuable person in the world worthy of love.

Each one of us will have a different relationship with the divine, or that which is greater than us. We need to find the spiritual path that works for us to be healthy and whole. For me, I believe God is Love and EVERYONE is loved. It is our responsibility to bring that love into the world because if everyone knew they were valuable and loved, I feel there would be much less violence and hatred in the world. I also think people like me would see hope and a reason to work for maintenance of our illness. When I felt unloved, I didn't care if I got better. When I knew I was loved, I knew I could get better.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie