Movie Review by Mother and Son: Phoebe in Wonderland

This is a joint movie review by me and my son. We watched the movie together and he said it was so good that I should blog about it and he wanted to help.

Phoebe in Wonderland (2008) is a movie about a nine year old girl with Tourette Syndrome. The movie shows her and her family's struggle as she starts to engage in obsessive rituals, inappropriate behavior like spitting and saying mean things, and repeating what other people have said. At the same time that all of this is happening, she is in a play of Alice in Wonderland where her symptoms disappear because she is able to hyper-focus. Her drama teacher, Ms. Dodger is really the only person who can get through to Phoebe, but after Phoebe jumps from the catwalk in the theater, Ms. Dodger is fired. There are other meaningful subplots such as Phoebe's classmate Jamie who is harassed because the other kids think he is gay, and Phoebe's mother who struggles with wanting to work and being a mother.

Review by Rev. Katie:
This movie was powerful in so many ways, not all of which I will have enough room to talk about here. For me, these themes stood out the most:

• Phoebe believes scary things people tell her and then in order to avoid them, she creates rituals. One ritual she has is something I did when I was little too. The first time we see Phoebe with "odd" behavior, she is repeating "Step on a crack, break your mother's back," and she is avoiding the cracks in the tile floor. I did the same thing when I was little, avoiding cracks wherever I walked. Phoebe also has compulsive hand washing, which I have to this day, thinking that she needs to wash her hands a certain number of times in order to do well in her audition or make something else good happen. Then her friend tells her that she either needs to pray or do something she hates in order to get the part of Alice in the play, so Phoebe starts rituals of jumping and clapping with a pattern and number of squares on the walkway outside and on the steps. When I was little and walking up stairs, I always had to jump two steps in order to feel safe. What this shows is that for some of us, our brain latches on to superstition or fear and desperately makes us try anything in order to be safe. This means what we say to kids really matters and tormenting kids with scary things is seriously life threatening. 

• Throughout the movie, Phoebe explains so well what it is like in her brain. She says at one point "I can see myself wrecking and ruining and I don't know how to stop." There is a heart wrenching scene with Phoebe crying in her bed to her Mom that she does not know why she does these things. It is also eye opening when Phoebe's father blurts out an unkind statement to her and when he goes to apologize he says, "The words just came out." Phoebe replies that the same thing happens to her. This is when her father is able to understand more of her inability to control her behavior. 

• At one point, Phoebe and her sister and running around the table, giggling and asking their parents to have a baby. Their father clearly gets overwhelmed with the noise and the stress, and blurts out: "Really? Do you think your mother could handle another one like you?" Immediately Phoebe runs away and starts into ritual jumping of squares on the tile floor and is saying "screw you!" She is trying to calm down and tell herself that what her father said was not true. Phoebe also sees and speaks to characters from Alice in Wonderland when she is scared or upset and in this scene she asks them if she is the reason why her mother would not have another child. Again, Phoebe is trying to calm herself and tell herself she is not a bad person. This scene shows so clearly how insulting and shaming a child with difficult behavior only triggers the behavior and makes them think they are bad. If this happens over and over again, the child can not longer fight off the belief that they are bad and they start to believe it. By the time they reach adulthood, it is programmed into them and this is their default belief about themselves so even their own beliefs then trigger the negative behaviors. Fortunately in the movie, the father apologizes, which really is important. None of us will be perfect parents, but sincere apologies and letting your child know that your reaction was due to your problem, and not because they are bad, is one way we we can help them not end up believing these things about themselves as an adult and making the illness worse. 

• There is a scene where Phoebe's younger sister says she wants a different sister, one she does not have to take care of and does not have whatever Phoebe has. The mother insists that Phoebe is fine, but the little girl rightly says that the mother has no idea what is going on. This scene not only shows how hard it can be for siblings who know what is going on but also for parents who are unwilling to see that their child may need help. For most of the movie, the little sister is the only one in the family who even helps Phoebe, even participating in some of her rituals. The sister just gets tired of basically being the only adult in the house. 
  

  

  Theatrical Poster

• Phoebe's parents eventually take her to a psychiatrist who diagnoses her with Tourette Syndrom, but Phoebe's mother insists this is not true and that Phoebe's behavior is her fault, so she fires the psychiatrist. Phoebe's mom does not want her labeled, thought of as "less than," and medicated leading to a life full of side effects. This is understandable. The problem is the mother blames herself, and thinks she can fix Phoebe, rather than accepting the diagnosis and looking for a better way to handle it if she does not want to use medications and such. There is too much shame in our culture surrounding brain disorders so parents become scared and are unable to see what is going on and search for the right kind of treatment for their child. I was a bit disappointed that the movie ends with the parents accepting the diagnosis and Phoebe explaining it to her class without going into what they do to help her. It might be assumed that they went with the medications and that the psychiatric diagnosis and now somehow things are ok. This ending risks promoting the idea that medication works for everyone and cures all. This mentality leads a lot of people to judge parents who use alternative methods of treatment for their children. But, no movie can be perfect or cover every aspect of life. There is not enough time!

• Twice Phoebe gets punished by her teacher and principal for spitting on other kids when the kids have chased, berated, and scared her and she has asked them to stop but they won't. This happens way too often- a child gets pushed to their limit and then punished while the larger group of bullies is defended, all because this child is "different." Even my son asked "Why is it always the nice kids who get in trouble when the mean kids do something wrong?" He said the approach of the drama teacher was much better: Rather than taking a punishment approach when someone writes "faggot" on Jamie's costume, the drama teacher addresses the whole group and teaches them something. This actually created a change in the way people treated Jamie rather than punishment which creates no understanding. It's a very powerful scene.

• The drama teacher, Ms. Dodger, is the only person who understands working with children and how to help them be their best selves. She allows children to make decisions on their own, encourages the kids to be the directors of the play, and is non-authoritarian. Unfortunately, after accidentally saying something hurtful to her friend Jamie, Phoebe runs and climbs up the catwalk. Phoebe retreats into Wonderland for solace and looks down the ladder of the catwalk and sees the hole that brought Alice to Wonderland, so she jumps. It is not a long jump and Phoebe gets a sprained wrist. However, the drama teacher gets blamed for this and there is a terrible, yet typical, scene when the principle questions Phoebe and distorts what she says to make it look like Ms. Dodger told her to jump. Ms. Dodger was the only person who actually helped Phoebe and the other children. In fact, it is Ms. Dodger who gives Phoebe the most beneficial advice- that one day she will see herself as she is, even the parts that are different, accept herself, and on that day she will feel love. Far too often, it is the more creative teachers who know how to help children with brain disorders, but few people ever listen to them.

• After the jump off the catwalk, Phoebe asks her parents if people usually feel hope. They think she did not feel hope and that is why she jumped. Rather, Phoebe explains that she felt hope when looking into Wonderland and that is why she jumped, but in the real world she feels no hope. This illustrates how people often misinterpret behavior that seems to them like self harm. Also, when Phoebe's mother confronts Ms. Dodger and mentions her daughter does not feel hope, again Ms. Dodger gives the best advice- that sometimes we don't feel hope but we keep on anyway, and then we know we have it.

Review by Jeffrey, age 9:

"This movie will change your life.

The movie was awesome. I think it kind of showed me what Mommy's life was like when she was little.

I think teachers could learn a lot from Ms. Dodger, like that kids can do things on their own and they do not need you watching over them every second. 

Parents could learn to not think when something goes wrong that it is their fault. In the part of the movie where Phoebe is crying with her Mom in bed and the Mom asks "What's wrong" and Phoebe says she does not know, the Mom did not keep asking her what was wrong. If we don't know what is wrong, don't keep asking us anymore because it really gets annoying and it puts too much pressure on us. 

People can also learn from the movie that if you are different, that does not mean you are bad, it just means you are special. If someone ever punishes you for being different, then you should talk to your parents and have them fix it. If someone punishes you for being different, that is very mean and it can make you feel bad about yourself."


Both Jeffrey and I recommend that you watch this movie and talk about it afterwards. We both learned things about one another and how to help each other when we are having a difficult time.

I know now not to try and fix everything for him when he says he is not sure what is wrong, and he knows that he should always tell me if he ever starts to feel overwhelmed like Phoebe's little sister. We also talked about apologizing when we say unkind things to each other and how that makes all the difference in how he sees himself as a person. Of course, we also discussed that you you can't just be mean all the time and think if you apologize that it makes everything better. You need to try and act better each time.

When you watch the movie, let us know in the comments what spoke to you.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie and Jeffrey

Movie Review: Running From Crazy

Last night at the 2013 Cleveland International Film Festival, we saw Running From Crazy, which is a documentary about Mariel Hemingway's journey to understand her family's history of mental illness. Mariel is an actress, model, and the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway. There are seven suicides in her family, including Ernest and Mariel's sister Margot.

Photo from Running From Crazy's FB Page

This is a very good movie for so many reasons. First, there is footage from when Mariel's sister Margot was creating a documentary about Ernest Hemingway. In the footage you can really see the family dynamics Mariel speaks of from her childhood. You also hear Margot talking about her struggles, which hit so close to home for those of us with mental illness.

Second, this movie is from the perspective of one of the healthier members of the family, Mariel, trying to live within a dysfunctional family, find her own peace and her own way out to break the cycle of mental illness and dysfunction. I think it is important to hear not only from the voices of those with mental illness but from their family members as well. Mariel is so candid about her emotions concerning different family members and how she is working towards greater understanding and compassion. What is beautiful about the movie is that she is not insulting to her family, but truly seeks to understand them better and talk about the times when she may have been unkind to her sisters. She truly talks about the whole family system rather than blaming and shaming anyone. This shows in incredible amount of insight and spiritual work on her part. And she is honest that she is still working on some of those issues. She is not perfect, just like none of us are perfect.

For me personally, as someone with mental illness, I identified with much of this movie not only from Mariel's point of view but also in some of the things her sister Margot spoke of and her pain. It was healing for me to watch this movie and know I am not alone in some of my life experiences. This is why I think sharing our stories is so important. We tend to think we are the only ones stuck in a situation that is scary and we don't understand, and this creates a lot of shame. We need to know there are others out there in similar situations also striving to change dynamics, become well for themselves, and live a happy and healthy life.

Mariel talked a bit about her lifestyle as well, which she sees as essential to wellness. Rarely in the community of mental illness do you hear people talking about anything other than medication as a way to recovery. This makes it very hard for those of us who feel a different way is a better fit for them. People seem to think that I am required to take medication and I am irresponsible if I do not. Then again others say I must not really have a mental illness if I don't take medication. This is not true. I just believe that we have the ability to know what our bodies and minds need to be well and for some of us that means we need medication as well as a healthy lifestyle and for others we do not need the medication.

Our home brewed mango kombucha (fermented tea).

I loved seeing Mariel on the trampoline, being active, and talking about drinking kombucha and eating local foods. These are things that Jeff and I do, yet most people think it is weird and a very restrictive life. Mariel was also walking across a slack line, which Jeff bought a while ago and has been wanting us to try. I guess I have to try it now! It is all about finding the diet that works for you which heals your body and mind, getting out in the sun and nature, sleeping well, exercising, having fun, and having a spiritual practice in your life.

One of the hardest things about sticking with this lifestyle is that it is difficult to do if you do not live in a community that supports it. Mariel and her partner Bobby Williams created The Willing Way in order to help support other people who want a healthy lifestyle. This is important in terms of general community support but also, I find it difficult to find healthy living supporters who also understand mental illness. Many of these groups are quite unsupportive of those of us who can't just make a decision one day and stick with it forever. We are seen as weak and selfish. I think Mariel could be a great voice for understanding and acceptance for those of us struggling with mental illness who want non-pharmacological ways to reach recovery.

I recommend seeing this movie to give real insight into mental illness from a whole family perspective. It shows the reality of mental illness, but it also the hope that exists as well.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Movie Review: Silver Linings Playbook

Director David O. Russell and an amazing cast brought to the screen an adaptation of Matthew Quick's novel The Silver Linings Playbook. Briefly, this movie is about Pat Solatano Jr., who gets out of a mental institution after a court ordered 8 month stay. Pat has bipolar disorder, which we discover he has probably had most of his life but it was not until he caught his wife cheating on him and he beat up the man she was cheating with, that anyone truly noticed he had an illness. After Pat gets out, he lives with his parents and focuses on trying to get his wife back, but at the same time he meets Tiffany who struggles with depression and they form a friendship and ultimately fall in love. It is a serious, funny, and cute movie. Heartbreakingly sad at times, yet with enough humor and hope so as to not portray mental illness as completely tragic.

Photo from IMBD

One of the things I really liked about Bradley Cooper's portrayal of Pat is that he actually was able to accurately show how the mood swings and outbursts of bipolar are not something we do on purpose. There is a scene where Pat gets upset in the doctors waiting room and throws over the magazine rack. He then realizes what he did, says he is sorry and they have a close up shot of his face where you can see the pain in his eyes and the realization that he scared people and was acting out. He was embarrassed, ashamed, and confused. At another point with his therapist Pat says he is sick of his illness and wants to control it. Don't we all feel this way? The movie is just a real representation of how mental illness is truly an illness and not some behavior we choose. I should add that director David O. Russell made the movie for his son who has bipolar disorder. His son also has a part in the movie as a teenager who wants to interview Pat for a school report on mental illness.

I also liked the part where Pat thinks Tiffany is crazier than he is. When I was watching the movie I was thinking "I don't act like Pat does. I am not that crazy." But when we got home I asked my husband "Do I look and act like that?" and he said "Of course. Why would you think you didn't?" I guess it is always hard to see our own crazy.  

This is only a movie and so it can not get to all aspects of mental illness. The movie really captures one episode of breakdown, struggle, and treatment that ultimately becomes successful. There is what seems to be a turning point when Pat chooses to take his medication (which he was refusing to take before), as if just taking the medication and finding love with Tiffany was enough to cure him. This does not show the full spectrum of living with this illness and the fact that for many of us medication works for a little while, then doesn't, and even on med's there can be many relapses. While I like the love story, at the same time I always remember thinking, ever since I was a child, that if I found someone who loved me just the way I was that I would be cured. Well, I found the love of my life at sixteen years old, and have discovered that love alone can not conquer all. Many couples struggle with this issue and have to come to terms with treatment being long term. Even though love and care does help tremendously, it is not the ultimate silver lining. That is why I really like the musical Next to Normal because it shows the illness over a longer period of time and addresses the many issues with treatment. Of course, the ending of the musical is not as happy as the ending of this movie.

I do think the movie is very helpful for people who do not quite understand or who really need to emotionally experience mental illness. It helps combat the stigma against mental illness and shows people with mental illness as not just violent, scary, and hopeless. It shows how a community, a whole group of family and friends, really need to pull together to help someone with mental illness thrive.

The movie also shows that mental illness and the triggers for it are not only part of the patients brain, but profoundly affected by the environment around them. Pat's family is quirky with his father having some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, anger issues, and superstition that clearly does not help Pat's illness very much. But they work with everyone's quirks and accept each other and try to help each other. In a way all of their "issues" make them understand each other better and come closer. The movie is a great example of how everyone has issues and if we recognize them we can go a long way to figuring out how to live a happy life rather than families who deny that they have any dysfunction going on at all.

Overall, this is a really great movie and I encourage everyone to see it. It is a more human experience of mental illness rather than a completely sensationalized view of it, which the media so often likes to portray.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Movie Review: Of Two Minds

Photo from Of Two Minds Facebook Page

I saw the new movie Of Two Minds by Lisa Klein and Doug Blush at the Cleveland International Film Festival this past weekend. It is a documentary that follows about four people with bipolar disorder over a three year period. One of the things I like about this documentary is that there is no narrator or scripted talk giving a certain idea or belief about bipolar disorder. Instead the film follows the lives of these amazing people and allows them to tell their own story in their own words.

In the movie you can see that everyone's experience of bipolar disorder is different. I find many people define bipolar in one way-depression and mania-but in reality there are so many other parts to the disorder and it manifests itself differently in every person. Some people were taking medication, some were not. Some had hallucinations, some did not. Some had symptoms starting in childhood, others started seeing symptoms later in life.

What was really important to me was that the movie shows the reality of the illness without sensationalizing it. They handle the topic with compassion and dignity. As someone with bipolar disorder, I was a bit apprehensive going to see the movie as so often the media shows us in such a bad light. I was worried I might see the film and feel bad about having this illness. I did not at all. It was an honest and understanding representation of what bipolar disorder is like.

I saw this movie with some members of my family and I think it is a good movie to watch together. It helps them see the illness from an outside perspective. It can open up conversation about your particular experience of the illness. It also helps other people understand the struggle to stay well with all the work you have to do around medications, lifestyle, work, etc... 

One of the things I hope to see in the future of documentaries about bipolar disorder is a bit more about how it affects your partner and children. Some partners handle the illness well, but many don't, and our kids have a hard time understanding it. Navigating how to have a healthy family in the midst of this illness is one of the hardest things about the illness, in my experience. I think it would help families a lot to know they are not alone. They need just as much support as those of us with bipolar.

One of the other interesting things I noticed is that almost all of the people featured in the film kept a journal. Journaling is really helpful for us, and that is why I started the Finding You program for people with mental illness. I don't hear this being talked about often as part of a treatment plan, but I am hoping more people realize how beneficial it is.

I am very grateful to the directors for taking on this project and to the wonderful people with bipolar disorder who shared their life, on screen, for so many years. I do not think there are enough people who talk about this illness and raise awareness about it. Bipolar disorder comes with the baggage of stigma and assumptions which all too often means society sees us as inept, irresponsible, selfish, and weird. This is not true. The movie shows that all different kinds of people have this illness and while we struggle, we can often have jobs and productive lives.

If the movie comes to your area, be sure to see it.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie