Whole30, Whole9 Lifestyle and Binge Eating Disorder Recovery

Because of my binge eating disorder, it has always been hard for me to stick to a healthy eating plan. Even when I lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers, I did it by eating 4-5 Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches a day, McDonald's Happy Meals with a diet coke, and fat free cheese. A totally unhealthy lifestyle but it fit the "points"and I lost weight. However, I never addressed the food addiction so I never got better and put most of the weight back on. Stress would trigger cravings and I would think "I can have one milkshake." Next thing I know, I am driving out in the middle of the night to the 24hour Dunkin Donuts and binge eating at McDonalds three times a day.

The Whole30 diet that we are doing for this month is about so much more than just what food you eat, it is about a lifestyle change. They encourage eating organic fruits and veggies, and pastured, humanely raised meats if you have access to these things. They also promote a healthy sleep schedule, exercise, active recovery from exercise, stress management, personal growth, and more. I believe this time I have done so much better with my Whole30 because I have tried to incorporate all of their suggestions such as sleep, recovery, and personal growth. However, there was one thing that we did which I believe has helped in starting to break my binge eating disorder cycle.

Last week we took a visit to Fair View Meadow Farm where we get our locally raised, pastured, "happy" meat. This changed the way I think about processed food and overeating. I see these beautiful animals that help heal me and I think, "What a dishonor to them to binge on junk food when they have given so much for my health and healing." I also learned how much work the farmers have to do to bring such amazing food to our table and it really bothers me to think that I would eat manufactured Skittles from a bag or food that is made from factories or places like McDonald's where the animals, farmers, and workers are treated horribly. So not only have I not eaten anything that is not Whole30, but we have not eaten out anywhere, except a "naked" roast chicken from Whole Foods when we ran out of backup food on a trip. Once you learn how food is made and all the added stuff most companies and even family owned restaurants put into the food to make it saltier, fattier, and sweeter, it makes you see things differently. It is ethically irresponsible for me, since I do have a choice and the resources to choose where I eat, to participate in a system that is unjust.

So my biggest challenge this Whole30 is not overeating dried and regular fruit because that is where I can see the binge eating disorder taking over. I can still also overeat wholesome food, and it is a myth that "no one overeats broccoli and fish." If there is nothing else to eat in the house, yes I will overeat whatever is there. That in itself was an important thing for me to learn because everyone tells you no one overeats healthy food and so you don't even realize the disorder is as bad as it is. But again, knowing where the food comes from has helped me realize that overeating good food is just wasting it. I should not waste food, instead I should eat well and honor the animals and people who brought me the food, as well as honor my own body which does not deserve to be filled with chemicals, antibiotics, food dye, and processed oils which hurt and do not heal me.

I know recovery from an eating disorder is a long road and often includes relapse (like the homemade beef jerky I ate like it was a bag of potato chips last night), but it is clear to me that I see things differently now than I did before.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Treatment: Music and the Brain

Many of us know that music makes us feel emotion, helps heal our hurting heart, and nourishes our soul but do you know that music is being used to help in the treatment/management of different brain diseases? Of course there are many music therapists who do one-on-one sessions, group singing, or drumming circles, all of which are very important and make people's lives better. But I have always thought that people also need help when they don't have access to a music therapist or group activity. What about the middle of the night mania or the mid-workday anxiety? What about the time in between activities in a dementia care unit when most people are left sitting in a chair at the TV or they are agitated and bored laying in bed?

Dan Cohen, Executive Director and Founder of Music and Memory started an iPod program for people in nursing homes in 2008. His program has been wildly successful for people with dementia, even decreasing use of antipsychotics by 50%! How amazing! I first heard of Music and Memory doing research for care of my Mom with dementia and I found this video of Henry: (get a tissue because you will cry.)
Then I reflected on how I actually use music to treat my mental illness without even knowing it. I have different songs that I typically listen to depending on my emotional state. Now one might think that when I am depressed, I listen to sad songs, or when manic I listen to upbeat songs. However, I actually use music to manage my illness better. A sad song when you are depressed only increases the depression. Instead I listen to more upbeat inspiring songs when I am depressed. When I am anxious, I can't listen to music with a heavy beat because it makes the anxiety worse so I listen to things that are more soothing and have a more even rhythm. For me, especially as a minister, the message of the song matters, so I am always collecting new songs that fit not only the tempo and feel of what might help bring me out of a depression or calm a panic attack at work, but also ones that change my repetitive or negative thinking. If I am convinced I am a terrible person I find a song with the opposite message to break that cycle. Using music in this way makes it so easy. I don't need a therapist with me all the time. I have a treatment in my pocket at work that I can use for just five minutes. It works amazingly well.

While I have not found any research just focusing on mental illness and the use of music in this particular way, Music and Memory does have a video of Gil, who has depression, and Denise who is bipolar schizophrenic that shows just how much the music helps them:

As Jaak Panksepp says in The Emotional Antecedents to the Evolution of Music and Language:

"In a sense, music not only elevates but also heals the human spirit. It is a wonderful way to increase quality of life, especially among elderly who have the fewest options (Laukka, 2007). To the extent that music sincerely conveys love, social attachment, and the joy of human interaction, it might prove effective as a mild antidepressant and deserves continued (and better) evaluation in psychiatric contexts. We await substantial full-scale studies of how some humans, in the despair of depression, may be lifted once more toward the varied emotional richness of human existence by the redemptive buoying of despondent spirits through great music. Many other beneficial medical effects of music have already been reported (for summaries see Panksepp & Bernatzky, 2002; Spingte & Droh, 1992)."

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

P.S.: If you are want more information about music and theology and worship, please look into Rev. Thandeka. Rev. Thandeka's work is where I have found much more research about neuroscience and how music effects the brain, such as the article by Panksepp above.

Don't Let New Gun Control Regulations Increase Stigma Against Mental Illness

Today President Obama signed 23 Executive Actions on Gun Violence, called Now is the Time (the .pdf of this document can be found on CNN.) Part of the plan talks about mental illness "even as we acknowledge someone with a mental illness is far more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than a perpetrator," says President Obama.

Now is the Time has quite a long plan for dealing with mental illness including encouraging doctors and other mental health care facilitators to report "direct and credible threats of violence to the authorities." It states the government will "Launch a national conversation to increase understanding about mental health: The sense of shame and secrecy associated with mental illness prevents too many people from seeking help. The President is directing Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan to launch a national dialogue about mental illness with young people who have experienced mental illness, members of the faith community, foundations, and school and business leaders." The government will also seek to ensure coverage of mental health treatment and provide more mental health services to children and youth since the majority of mental illnesses appear before the age of 24. 

I am glad that mental illness is getting more attention and there will now be a national discussion on what good mental health care should look like. I am sad that this had to come about after a shooting when in fact, as the President said, people with mental illness are more likely to be the victim of a crime than a perpetrator. Having the conversation come about in this way just makes the stigma worse. The Presidents plan at least mentions the fact that the stigma against mental illness is high and we need a conversation around that so people can get the help they need. I would like to have faith that with more education the public will not equate violence with mental illness, but I doubt that will happen. 

I think we have to face the fact that what really happened today is we have inadvertently greatly increased the stigma against people with mental illness.

I am not saying we should not be doing the things this document suggests, I just see the realities of what this means for people with mental illness since we tied better mental health care to a violent tragedy in our society.

In terms of reporting people with mental illness to the authorities, the document says to report "direct and credible threats of violence." To me this seems pretty clear that they will have some good guidelines on what is a direct and credible threat. Hopefully such things as cutting, thoughts of violence but no plans, even recurring violent nightmares will not be things that the government encourages to be reported. These are all things that do not actually indicate a violent person and are well taken care of in treatment. For instance, people with PTSD or even severe anxiety may see recurrent violent images in their mind, sometimes from an incident they saw in the past but do not really remember, incidents they do remember, or things they are afraid will happen. I could see how someone with these issues would not want to mention them because unless you have a really good mental health provider who understands mental illness and how the brain works, someone could completely overreact. This means less people will get help and they will be living with these scary images without learning how to resolve or diminish them.

What sounds even more concerning to me though are other laws like New York States new gun control law which "requires physicians, psychologists, nurses or clinical social workers to alert local health officials if a patient 'is likely to engage in conduct that would result in serious harm to self or others.' After an evaluation, the health officials would pass on the person's information to law-enforcement agencies that would be authorized to seize any firearm owned by the patient. If a person is found not to own any firearms, the patient would be added to a statewide criminal background check database, marking a significant expansion of who would be made ineligible to legally buy a firearm."

This is more of an issue for me because "serious harm to self or others" is not a very clear definition. What is "serious harm?" Also, even if you do not want a firearm and will never apply for one, you will now be added to the criminal background check database which could seriously affect your ability to get a job if this part of the background check that is accessible to employers. If it is, now your background check will forever state that you have a mental illness and no matter how stable you are, all employers will see is that something came up on your background check, not who you are. Again, this will lead to less people seeking treatment. As it stands right now, 60% of people with mental illness do not seek treatment due to stigma. This number will rise.

These are just some of the issues I see in this preliminary discussion of gun control and mental illness and I am interested to see where this goes. As someone who does not want a gun, I really don't care if I get on a list that says I can't have one. However, there are great police officers and military personnel who should be able to get treatment for their mental illness and not risk loosing their job. Also, it just makes me sad that I could be tossed on a list of "violent" people just because I have an illness which most people, even many mental health professionals, don't understand. No matter how we define all these terms of what is "violent," "serious harm," and a "credible threat," the fact is people are scared of those of us with brain disease and they will scapegoat us and overreact instead of trying to help and heal. 

My best suggestion is that those of us with mental illness who can speak up, do. Tell our stories and show another side of the illness that is not all about relating the need for better health care to violence, but to the need that we create a community that helps people thrive.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Gratitude for the Food that Heals Me

Today we went to Fair View Meadow Farm to see where our meat comes from. A while ago, through our CrossFit gym we started buying grass-fed, pastured meat and eggs from the buying club with Fair View Meadow Farm. As we got more into the Paleo lifestyle and in order to support sustainable ethical eating, we then ordered a whole cow from the farm which means we do not have to buy meat from the grocery store which comes from who knows where, using inhumane farming, hormones, and excess fossil fuels for transportation. (Here is a great post about pork from Whole9 The Conscientious Omnivore: Pigs and Pork.) The meat tastes a ton better than meat from the grocery, it has no antibiotics and hormones in it, it is much leaner, and cheaper too.

We chose to start eating this way because the Paleo diet was recommended to me by my doctors to help treat my bipolar disorder, and as long as I stick to it, it really works. We have been really strict Paleo, doing a Whole30 starting January 1, 2013, and this has helped in many ways. I will expand on that in another post, but overall my mood has evened out, I have more energy, better cognitive function, and the ability to follow through on other treatment such as exercise. I have not needed as much Ativan, and that is the only medication I am on right now- taken maybe just a few times a week.

Nathan Joppeck from Fair View Meadow Farm offered to show us the farm and our son really liked the idea saying "I would like to see what a cow looks like when it is not in block form." (This is a Minecraft reference and also because he has never seen a cow except meat in a freezer.) I was glad he wanted to know where his food comes from. Since we have also ordered a whole pig, we went out to the farm to meet the group of pigs ours will come from, and see all the other animals.

Jeffrey, Katie, & Jeff with the cows.

They are a multi-species farm raising cows, chickens, sheep, and pigs. They also grow organic fruits and vegetables. The animals rotate feeding on different parts of the pasture so the earth is sustainable and the animals are humanely raised. No animal is penned up or shut in like in factory farming. Clearly I can't describe the specifics of all that they do, but basically the animals get to lead healthy and happy lives.

I thought when I went out there that I might have a hard time looking into the animals eyes knowing I would be eating one or more of them at some time.

Photo by Jeff Norris.

This is a hard thing for me, being a Unitarian Universalist and respecting the interdependent web of existence and eating animals. Many people in our faith insist that the only ethical way to eat is by being vegetarian, yet they do not realize that you can be an ethical meat eater and some of us actually have medical reasons why we need to eat meat. The proteins derived from soy or legumes are incomplete for someone like me and also soy and legumes bother my digestive tract and make me sick not only in body but in mind as well. As I saw these animals today, I felt a huge appreciation for them because they help save my life.

They allow me to treat my illness without tons of medication. They allow me to care for my family, remain healthy, and be someone who can contribute positively to the world. Without them my health is greatly compromised. Bipolar disorder and anxiety are serious illnesses and my treatment includes a specific diet of animal protein which is as free-range and organic possible. These animals literally heal me. Rather than feel guilty and bad about needing meat to treat my illness, I now have a great appreciation for the animals. I really see it as more of a spiritual connection that allows me to see them as the amazing beings that they truly are rather than just something from a store that I have no relationship to.

I was also glad that our son got to see just how much work the farmers have to do to bring food to our table. He learned the importance of these animals and how they help care for and heal us. He knows food does not come from a box.

In gratitude for all that sustains and heals us, we have added to our dinner prayer "We thank the earth and all of the farmers and animals which brought us this food."

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Healthy Living and Treatment

As many of you know, I have been attempting to follow a Paleo diet (grain-free, only meat, veggies, fruit, and nuts) to help treat my bipolar disorder. Some of you have asked how it is going since you are looking at various gluten and grain-free diets for your treatment as well. First of all, I have to say that the diet works great. I am much more stable and feel a lot better when I can stick to my healthy lifestyle of diet and exercise. However, I do have the added issue of a binge eating disorder which I think is what throws me off from being able to maintain my diet.

I really realized this past week that I have no control over my food. My husband has been home all week from work so I have not gone anywhere without him. As long as he is with me I don't stop at fast food restaurants or get gluten-free desserts from the grocery store. Today was the first day I went out by myself and I stopped at the grocery store. I was hungry, and even though I told myself I didn't need anything sugary and I could eat as soon as I got home, I bought a gluten-free dessert! It's like I need a 24 hour babysitter just to stick to my diet. I ate a few bites and then threw the rest out, which is better than what I would have done before, but still, I can't believe I am so addicted to sugar that I eat it when I know I should not.

I try to remember that this is all a learning process though. Each time I have a setback it teaches me something about who I am and what I need to do to be well. We have been eating Paleo all week and this morning was the first morning I woke up not exhausted and miserable, which means the diet and exercise works if I can just stick with it. I realized at the store today that I can't leave the house hungry and maybe I should just not be grocery shopping for a while, at least not by myself.

The last thing that became abundantly clear to me this week is that an essential part of being able to stick with a healthy lifestyle is having a good support system around you. This is why my husband and I have decided to do a Whole30 (a really strict Paleo plan for 30 days) with our CrossFit gym starting Jan. 1. The coaches at our gym are great and give us a lot of advice, motivation, and support so we will not be alone during the process. We are also starting a Healthy Living Group with the Carolyn L. Farrell Foundation for Brain Health where we will support each other in whatever healthy living choices each of us needs through meetings, online support, and motivational materials. (If you live in the Cleveland, Ohio area and want to join us, let me know and I will get the information to you when we get the time worked out.)

Graphic from Whole9

So, whatever your healthy living choices are, at the start of this new year, get your support system in place. If you are looking at a Paleo diet, I recommend Whole9 as everything is easy to understand, they have researched how food affects our mind, they have the Whole30 program, a great online forum, and their book: It Starts With Food.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

I Am Not a Monster Even If the NRA Says I Might Be

According to the National Rifle Association's (NRA) executive vice president Wayne LaPierre concerning the issue of mass shootings:

"The truth is, that our society is populated by an unknown number of genuine monsters. People that are so deranged, so evil, so possessed by voices and driven by demons, that no sane person can ever possibly comprehend them. They walk among us every single day and does anybody really believe that the next Adam Lanza isn’t planning his attack on a school, he’s already identified at this very moment? How many more copycats are waiting in the wings for their moment of fame from a national media machine that rewards them with wall-to-wall attention and a sense of identity that they crave, while provoking others to try to make their mark. A dozen more killers, a hundred more? How can we possibly even guess how many, given our nation’s refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill?" (highlighted emphasis mine.)

X-Men: Wolverine. Photo by Jeff Norris

I just have no idea what to say to this. I am pretty sure I, and thousands of other people with mental illness, just got pegged as evil monsters who should be put into a database so that our country can watch us. Really? I mean, this is so ludicrous to me that I can't even believe someone said this. I feel like I am watching X-Men and I just got put on the mutant registration.

We mental health advocates have talked until we are blue in the face about how studies show mentally ill people are not violent and that not all mass shooters have a mental illness. As NAMI states "One in four American adults experience a mental health problem in any given year, yet the U.S. Surgeon General determined over a decade ago that 'the overall contribution of mental disorders to the total level of violence in society is exceptionally small.'" Do people not read scientific studies? Do they not believe them? I could write another post like my previous one about not assuming all people with mental illness are violent, but for the people who really need to hear it, they will never listen. (Read NAMI's official response to the NRA here.)

We actually already have limits around mental stability and the ability to buy a gun with the National Instant Criminal Background Check System where they do not allow guns to be purchased "by any person who has been adjudicated as a mental defective or has been committed to any mental institution." This is an attempt to identify people who might be a danger to themselves or others if they had a gun. However, it is hard to define what "mental defective" means and many people who have ben in mental institutions might be perfectly safe with a gun. I mean is there a time limit on this list because if you were in a mental institution when you were a teen and now you are 50 years old and have had no recurrence of your illness, are you still "a mental defective," for life? That seems unreasonable to me and just increases fear and stigma. I am not arguing that any list like this is not a good idea, just that we have to be careful how we implement it and we don't add to it language such as LaPierre used to misrepresent what mental illness really is.

And that is what I want to focus on for this post, that statements like LaPierre's which use labeling and hateful language just increases violence in our world, in particular more violence against a group of people who are already more likely to be victims of violence than the general population.  

First of all, to me, the ultimate in violence is hatred and creating an us vs. them mentality. When we separate ourselves from all of humanity, saying we are different than another group of people, then we give ourselves permission to treat these "others" as less than human. Calling them monsters. Creating lists for them to make sure everyone can judge them. Casting them out and locking them up. Statements like LaPierre's encourage violence, oppression, stigma, and scapegoating.

Second, I feel like LaPierre's statement is a disgrace to the many people who own guns and don't act with such hatred and ignorance. I know many people who own guns for hunting or shooting at the range. My Dad used to go shooting once a week with his friends. I know parents who have the most fantastic kids ever, and they go shooting together. Guns are not something I would choose to have around because I think accidents can happen no matter how careful you are, but I do think there are many responsible and caring gun owners out there. None of these people would say such disgusting things about another group of people. LaPierre's statement is a bad representation of people who own guns and I hope that responsible gun carriers stand up against someone like LaPierre.

Third, statements like this, even if we don't end up with a database, once they are said, discourage many people with mental illness from seeking treatment because now we are branded as potentially being monsters, evil, and mass shooters. We know that most people do not understand mental illness enough, even many professionals, to be able to deem who might one day become violent enough to hurt another person. So no one, even people with mild depression or anxiety, is ever going to want to seek treatment when that might mean they are now seen the the eyes of our world as a monster. This means people are going to live in pain, fear, sadness, and never get help because they are scared that everyone will fear and hate them. Already people treat you differently once they find out you have a mental illness. LaPierre's statement, even though I assume he did not mean it to apply to every person with mental illness, was so broad and filled with vitriol and hate that it increased hysteria and has already made our world, with it's inadequate knowledge of mental illness, more unsafe for people like me.

As my eight year old son asked me "What would happen to you Mommy, if you were put on a list?" While we tried to explain to him that this probably won't happen and if I were on a list for gun control purposes, I don't even want a gun so it would probably not affect me, he knows that as soon as you are called out on a list as different and scary, you are at risk for violence.

I hope that more people speak up about the issue of using hateful language and increasing mass hysteria at times like these. I hope we talk about how wrong it is to promote the idea that violence in our country is always someone else's fault when really it is something that we all need to help take care of. We can't unjustly blame one group of people so that now we have a scapegoat whom we can persecute and harm.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie

Treatment Isn't Easy

Treatment for mental illness has been in the news quite a bit lately due to the Newtown, CT shooting and then a blog post that came out from a mother with a child with mental illness. There have been many responses from people with other children who have similar issues and the difficulties in getting treatment. Some say they can not get enough help, and then there is an issue brought up by one mother that we need to accept that medicaiton is a good option for kids.

I am glad we are having this conversation and I cannot say what treatments I think are the "right" ones. In reality, I think that treatment is different based on every person. And that is why I think it is important to speak to the fact that for most of us there is no easy solution to treatment.

I have had different mental health problems since I was 6 years old but did not start to receive treatment until I was 19. That means I have been at this treatment thing with psychyatrists and psychologists for 15 years. And clearly we know from my blog posts that I am not free from my illness. For many of us, treatment is just not that easy.

Photo by Jeff Norris

First there is the issue of medication. Many people think if all mentally ill people just received medication and kept up with taking it that we would all be free from our illness. You can see through many of my previous posts that medication has not worked for me and actually caused severe side effects. It is promoted by many doctors and the media that most side effects include things like weight gain, nausea, lack of libido, sleep disturbance, dry mouth, and other things that people say we can put up with in order to be free of our illness. First, unless you have experienced those side effects, you don't know that for many people they are pretty debilitating and life altering. Furthermore, most people don't tell you about those of us who have severe side effects like decreased cognitive functioning, organ failure, heart disease, and more. We can not present medicine in simplistic terms and assume it is safe and/or effective for everyone. There is always the argument from people who see better behavior in an individual on medicine and then get angry when the person goes off the medication. However, if the medicine were really working, we would keep taking it. Clearly it is not working well enough if we stop taking it. Either it is not controlling the irrational thinking enough so we think we don't need it, or the side effects are so bad that we stop taking it. Medication works for many people but we should not judge those for whom it does not work. And finding the right medication is hard. It may take 8-10 years at the minimum to find the right medications. We need to be understanding when the illness is not treated quickly and easily.

Second there is the issue of all the other lifestyle changes doctors suggest for treatment such as exercise, diet, sleep schedule, and meditation. Everyone I know, regardless of mental state, has a hard time keeping a balanced life at all times. For people with mental illness, it is especially hard to do so and we have less wiggle room for how much can get out of balance. In college, other people could barely sleep for a week and be just fine functioning. They would need a few days of extra sleep and could get right on back on track with life. For me, one night of bad sleep meant possibly weeks of worsening symptoms and I needed a lot of help to get back on track. Here again we need to be compassionate about treatment. If someone can not keep the perfect diet, keeps forgetting to take medication, has issues sleeping, etc... that does not mean they are not trying. The worst thing you can do for someone trying to make positive lifestyle choices is to argue that because they don't stick with it that they are failing and need to learn to make better choices, or that they just should not do it anymore because it is clearly not working. Our lives are worth fighting for.

Photo by Jeff Norris

Third, people also have co-occuring disorders so they may have many road blocks in their treatment plan. Such as for me diet is a huge help in my treatment but I also have a binge eating disorder which makes it very hard to stick with the right diet. If you have PTSD it can sneak up on you in times that you would not think have anything to do with a past traumatic event so watch out for that getting in the way. If you can find the link it is often something you can work through. What I really like about my therapist is that he looks at every "setback" as an opportunity to learn more about me and what we might need to work on in order to help me be healthy. That is different than the usual mentality that if you do not get better instantly you are not trying hard enough, make bad choices, and you won't ever get better.

Last, there is the inevitable "if this is an emergency dial 911" message on your doctors phone. Many doctors and other people think if you go to the psychiatric unit you will be cured, but that typically is just between a few days and a few weeks of treatment. It takes at least six weeks just to see if a medication has a chance of working for you. And there is little support for how to live life out of a treatment center. Honestly, most of us can't keep going back into the hospital and we need much more support in our every day life than most of our communities and insurance companies (if you are even lucky enough to have insurance) are willing to give us. You see a therapist and/or psychiatrist every day in a facility and then in regular life you might go to therapy once a week and see your psychiatrist once every six weeks. You have none of the outside stimulus, none of the people and situations that might contribute to your illness, and far less that can trigger you in a facility. Then you go back into the same life you had before and don't know how to manage. Going into treatment is beneficial to many people but the success rate could be even higher if we didn't just assume a few weeks in a hospital cured everyone and if we had better programming out of the hospital. Good care for a psych patient includes a plan after the hospital. A great start is if you have a loved one who is in a facility, to think about what changes you might need to make at home to help them keep up with treatment or how much assistance they might need with taking meds, eating, sleep, and exercising.

All this is to say, treatment is not simple and I don't know that we always have an understanding of how complicated it is. Some people ask me why I would write my blog if I am not "cured" or my illness is not under control. I write because my situation is much more common than we think it is. It can feel very lonely to look for resources on mental illness and often have it portrayed that there is a simple fix- if we would just take our meds and do what our doctors tell us. I wish it was not that hard. I wish there was a simple solution for everyone. Sometimes we have to just keep trying even if it does not work over, and over, and over again.

Blessings,

Rev. Katie